God provides

I had the chance to stay in Santa Maria this weekend with the fantastic O'Roarks. It occured to me this weekend that although they knew Mike, I had never been to their place until after the accident. Why is this important? well really its not except that sometimes I question God's timing, but the more I consider things the more I realize that He has perfect timing. The O'Roarks house provides a quiet place (I really mean silent), with a really comfy bed (where I sleep more than 2 hours at a time), crazy good food (apple Jacks, coco pebbles, waffles, Orcuit burger just to name a few), and great conversation. But what it really provides is a place where I have peace about life. After every visit I come back rested and motivated to get through stuff I need to complete. It gives me just enough time away from my routine to get recharged. I have my own memories in Santa Maria and the surrounding beach towns. Mike never was there so they are mine. Which is good, because it reminds me that God still has plans for me and that life can be enjoyed without Mike by my side (even though I know he wanted to ride that little train). He created the amazing green hills and powerful ocean waves that crash on the desolate white sand beaches for me to enjoy and to see His glory on display. He provided a friendship with people who love me as if Im family, which is really a blessing that words cannot describe. God knew I would need the O'Roarks to help with my healing and brought them in my life at just the right time. There are no accidents with God. and as much as the car accident changed my life I know it was not a surprise to God, nor are any of the other trials that I face. He has perfect timing and as much as I don't want to believe that at times, if I truly look at everything around me I know it is all under His control. God provides/and will continue to provide what I need to get through all of it.

tired

thats what I am.

Lessons I'm learning

In my monday night bible study we are studying the book of John. this week we are in ch.11 where Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. The substitute teaching leader had some great points in her lecture that I was convicted and challenged by so I thought I would share. The things in "quatation marks" are her words and questions, everything else are my random thoughts.

"Illnesses, delays, and disapointments can be opportunities to glorify God."
If you read ch11 you will see that Jesus hears that Lazarus whom he loves is sick. Now if you love someone and you hear that they are sick your reaction is probably going to be to check in on them, go visit, call, and if you are a doctor you would go see them, Jesus who could have healed him without going to him remains where he is two days. It wasn't like he got the news late and he would leave in the morning, he waited 2 days. Why, because he loved them. Jesus had a plan and he knew that the illness was not unto death but was for the glory of God (v. ) How often do we see a situation and we ask for God to come and when we dont see immediate response we cry out where is God, or he must not care, or why me? why now?? God making us wait can show just how much he loves us more than an immediate response that gives us what we think we want. In the waiting God may be creating an opportunity for himself to be glorified. Every trial is a test of our faith. Jesus did not answer Mary and Martha request b/c he wanted to give them so much more.

Other points:
"What has Jesus accomplished in your life this year? If you take the time to look for God you will find him and he will lift you up." are you looking for God? or just going through the motions
"The "what ifs" of life will keep you in despair." Mary n Martha Im sure asked what if Jesus had been here, what if we sent the messenger earlier.... but that doesn't change anything, the only thing that changed the situation was to go to Jesus. and Jesus gave Martha hope, real hope Rom 5:5 "God's hope is a promise that is certian" where are you turning in your trials? are you looking for Jesus or are you looking for answers (the ones you want)?
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There is so much in this chapter, but it made me see just how real Jesus was. He loved his friends then and he loves me. His tender words to Mary and Martha he offers to me. "I am the resurection and the life whoever believes in me though he die, yet shall he live and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never di. Do you believe this?"(Jn. 11:25-26)

Many have read this passage before, but I was challenged to really think do I believe this or do I just know it. Am I putting my belief into practice or am I relying on me? God will answer in his time and for His glory, but we need to be looking and expecting that he will.

funny story

so today I am in a meeting with several people in the smaller of my classrooms. The whole meeting I smelled old pee. I thought at first it was the lady next to me, but she is always dressed nice and well couldn't be so then I thought maybe one of my students had gone and we hadn't noticed. The whole time I was thinking we need to mop, why hasn't anyone else smelled this until now, how do I tell the students you can't pee in class. Then I went back to the office and the smell was there too. So I decided to take a deeper whif of my jacket, the one I have been wearing all week, and well there was the source. AUSSIE had left his mark, now I wondered when had he done it, for how many days have I been the lady smelling like pee. and what else in my house has he marked. Oh the joy of dogs! Happy Tuesday!

walk by faith and not by sight

Over the last few weeks I have struggled with my emotional state. Ups and downs and not really having any good reason for being so moody. There are many reasons that from a worldly perspective I would be moody based on my circumstances, but God doesn't call me to worldly standards or accept my worldly complaints, b/c they are just that complaints and complaints are a sign of not being content. Why am I wishing for my plan, when God's is so much better (Rm 8:28) Why? because I have been walking by sight. I see others happily living life with spouses and kids and living thier dreams out and I think man God see that is what I wanted why didn't you let me have that? why not this? why now? why didn' you? and the list of questions goes on. But where my focus should be is not on what I see but on Christ. I should be walking in faith trusting God knows what He is doing. He choose me, he saved me, he loves me, he forgave me, he will raise me in the last day(Jn 6) Why do I need anything else? I don't. I need to trust. I often listen to music (agian wishing for a talent God did not give me) I bought this new CD and this song convicted me. It is simply titled Faith by Kieth and Krystin Getty
"by faith we see the hand of God in the light of creation's grand design
in the lives of those who prove his faithfulness who walk by faith and not by sight
by faith our fathers roamed the earth with the power of his promise in thier hearts of a holy city built by God's own hand a place where peace and justice reign,

we will stand as children of the promise we will fix our eyes on him our souls reward til the race is finished and the work is done, we walk by faith and not by sight

by faith the prophets saw a day when the long for messiah would appear with the power to break the chains of sin and death and rise triumphant from the grave
by faith the church was called to go in the power of the spirit to the lost to deliever captives and to preach good newsin every corner of the earth

we will stand as children of the promise we will fix our eyes on him our souls reward til the race is finished and the work is done, we walk by faith and not by sight

by faith this mountian shall be moved and the power of the gospel shall prevail for we know in Christ all things are possible for all who call upon His name

we will stand as children of the promise we will fix our eyes on him our souls reward til the race is finished and the work is done, we walk by faith and not by sight

I need to be focused on the reward of my soul-Christ! My race is not finished and God obviously has more work for me to do, but He promises to help me and complete the work he started in me. I need to walk by faith focused on Christ and not by what I see(or how I feel). So stand on the promises of God (there are so many) and walk by faith knowing that God has a much better plan for my life that is for my good and His glory!

joy of service

Today was the Thanksgiving pot luck at church. Anyone who knows me knows how much I really do not like pot lucks. However in the last few years (at least 5) I have been in the kitchen for most of the time making sure the food is hot and put out and organized and that we don't run out until everyone is fed (stuffed). In the last year I have taken a step back from ministries at the church but today jumped back in and felt so good. Tired and dehydrated but I truly enjoyed serving in this small way. It was just a reminder of how God blesses us when we choose to serve him no matter how the service looks, big or small. I am slowly living life agian, not for me hopefully but for Him perhaps cleaning dishes and reheating dishes is a start. I have so much to be thankful for. Today Im thankful for the ability to serve.

I want to bake

ok, I am in a baking mood. I like the holidays just because it gives me an excuse to bake. on my list of things to try are traditional apple pie, dutch apple pie, pumpkin pie, chocolate tart, peanut butter fudge, layered pumpkin bread, apple crisp, amy's yummy frozen stars,and the usual cookies. some of these i have made before others are new, some just different recipes. the problem is I have papers to write and a house to clean and thanksgiving is still to far away to start any of these. what a dilemma. does anyone want to clean my house and write a paper or two, I will pay you in baked goods!