church?!

Church, who needs it? well I do. I went to church for the first time in months on Sunday. I miss church. I haven't really been to church where I understand whats going on for probably more than a year. Which is funny to me as I was known as the "church girl" growing up. But as I sat in church and tried to figure out what the pastor was saying, I would look up the passage and then read the chapters before and after just 'cause. Then we were in Psalms and I read 77 thought of a song, read pasalm 119:14-29 thought of mom, and on and on I went reading (hence adding to my lack of understanding the sermon) Various books of the Bible, old testament and new I realized just how much I miss it. It amazes me that God loves me so much that He wrote this book for me to help me when I need it, in a million different circumstances it always address my need. Hebrews 4:16 (was in the sermon, but Im sure not talking about what I learned) says that I can come BOLDLY before God's throne. which is amazing b/c I should drop dead at the sight of it b/c of how holy He is. but not only can I come before the throne but He will give mercy and grace in my time of need. He is a judge and will judge me, but b/c of Christ, I am not only allowed to come before him, but he wants me know that I can come boldly, not like a timid child but boldly and get mercy and grace. Amazing. now I just need to remember this in my daily life and not rely on myself to get through everything, but boldly ask Him to help me. Perhaps my life would be less stressfull. I was glad to be in church, even if I don't know what they are singing or saying, I somehow am learning in spite of that. however in time I need a church so pray for that.

Seasons

a year ago

I have not written in a while, but to say Ive been busy would be an understatement. Sunday was mothers day and well it got me thinking, a year ago mothers day my mom took her last step or shall I say fall. She was recovering from back surgery and on mothers day instead of improving she fell and never was able to stand back up. This started several visits to various doctors to see what was going on. In July (July 22 to be exact) my mom and I went to UCLA and got her diagnosis of ALS. since then i have watched the most independent person I know becomes dependent on others for everything. I have also watched her become even more bold with her mouth which I thought was impossible. Since July my mom progressively became paralyzed. But i have had the opportunity to spend almost everyday with her, sharing in the adventures of Gladys and Amy as I learned to creatively move her this summer, (armando had to come rescue her on more than one occasion as I got her stuck in random spots) to trying to create positions that make it more comfortable for her, to cooking gormet meals that she wanted in magazines she read. This time has been difficult and the most tiring job I have ever had, but I would not trade it for anything. While I don't know why God gave my mom this horrible disease, I do know he gave me the time with mom to heal our relationship, to heal me, and teach me how to be humble, loving, and to again remind me that life is short. Mom says she has her ticket and is waiting for Jesus to punch it. I too have my ticket and while some days I enjoy my layover here on earth I too am ready for my trip home. However while I am here I pray that I can be bold as my mom, who literally shares Jesus bluntly with everyone who enters her path. God has taken the use of every muscle away from her except her mouth, Im glad she realizes that is a gift and she is using it daily to praise him

life update

I'm Married! who would of thought? not me.

Yosemite day 2

Sunday morning we rose early, well truthfully I was up every few hours during the night due to excitement and sleeping in a strange bed, and left the hotel like at 5am. We drove back into the park while it was still dark. The hike to half dome can be started from a few points within the part but Chris choose to start from Glacier point. This would allow us to hike all the way around half dome and see most of the falls in the park in one day. Sounded like a good plan.

See how excited we were! It looked so far away and really you cannot describe the size of it until you are up close.

So amazing to watch the sun rise over the valley, the pictures do not do justice to what I actually saw that morning. My God is an amazing God.

This is the back side of Half dome, we were getting closer although it still seemed very far away.

Pretty cool stream running through it flows to one of the falls that was just a little ways ahead, this was a cute little bridge we crossed over, you cant tell in the picture but there are really cute yellow flowers that were growing at the base of the rocks on the right, amazing how things grow when it seemed just like rock and minimal soil.

getting closer!!

Saw a little wildlife along the way. Tiny little squirls which look more like chipmunks with their skinny tails. not afraid of people at all.

we stoped to eat at the top of a falls.

getting closer!!!!

This is just before we climbed up to the sub dome which is just below Half Dome

There it is!!! if you look carefully you can see the cables going up to the top. It looks like a ladder and if you look really close you can see people. This was so nerve racking watching people go up look how tiny they are in comparison to the rock!!

Before we climbed it CS took a short nap, while I continued to watch people go up and began to get really nervous. I think I we stayed much longer I would have chosen not to continue. But its me we are talking about so I knew I had to make it to the top.

I had to move so i walked around the subdome and thought this was a pretty good shot. Even at the sub dome you are way high and views are spectacular

See the view! No trees which is kind of unnerving to be above the tree line you have an odd sense of balance up there.

Yea!!! made it to the top. there were times I did not think my arms were going to make it up or hold my weight anymore. but.... we made it. Look how vertical that is!!!

yosemite day one

Ok so I am slightly technically challenged, but you can adjust I'm sure, but after a gazillion tries to get the photos right well this is where I'm at. Enjoy and I hope you don't get a neck cramp while seeing Gods Amazing creation

SO this summer I was privileged to travel with my amazing friends to Yosemite. We left Saturday morning and traveled North through Bakersfield and Fresno until we arrived in an absolutely amazing place.

So you drive along the road and go through this tunnel and this is the view. Pretty darn spectacular! You can see Half Dome in the distance I was way excited to think that in less than 24 hours I would be climbing it. However it is overwhelming to think how massive those rocks are in comparison to me, and that the creator of them totally knows me
The ladies of the trip! Thank you O'Roarks for allowing Tiffany and I to tag along on your family Vaca!

Leilani found a nice place to sit and read while we waited for the gift store/mini museum to reopen. I could totally be a park ranger and teach little Jr. Rangers!

My amazing friends who take me with them on very cool vacations!

As we were driving out of the park to get some rest before the big day. It doesn't get much prettier than that. What a fantastic first day, I could have gone home totally happy with just those views. However there was a Very Large rock to climb the next morning........

Change

I have typed a few entries since the last one posted however they were more like emotional vents which I don't think anyone reading this really needs/wants to hear. This summer has not been what I envisioned, but that is life. It normally doesn't follow our plan which makes me want to plan disasters and illness so that maybe it will be filled with just the opposite, calm lovely things where all is well but wait that will be in heaven.

This summer has been filled with change. Change is not something I like or do well, but it is the one of the two constants in life. God never changes and well life is always changing. I have found myself back in the emotional state of 2 summers ago, crying a lot and for no apparent reason most days, not sleeping well or sleeping and having no desire to get up, no hair brushing, ask Astrid of my summer fashion these days, eating random things at random times, and questioning God.

I think all of it is normal but not what I thought I would be doing this summer. I have however been able to talk about death a lot this summer with people and find their responses interesting when you are ok with death they look at you like you are crazy. I have been able to serve my mom in a way I never thought I would and have seen just how alike we are. I also have had to watch my dad age and ask questions that asked about Mike which is hard. I know how hard this is going to be and how hard it must be now. I always said that Mike took my brain with him when he left along with so much more of me, how much harder is this going to be for my dad as my mom has done so much for him for 46 years. He will adjust, I know, but my heart aches for him.

I am working on cleaning my parents house out as it will have to be remodeled, and this has been hard. I still haven't gone through all of Mikes stuff so to go through their stuff even though they are not dead is hard b/c you think along the same lines as if they were gone, although you can laugh when you find a memory or ask what they were thinking and why they still have whatever the item is. However it is hard too when my mom says I want you to have my _____ because I still want her to use it and wear it and well I don't want the stuff I want her. and that is hard to tell her.

If I have learned anything in the last 3 years its to enjoy life as a gift from God, and I know all of you reading this have heard me say it. But it is true, God gives us today and doesn't promise tomorrow. It wont help worrying or holding a grudge, it doesn't help anything to argue about small things. People are important, so please make a phone call to someone you haven't talked to in while and let them know you care, smile at the guy in the home depot parking lot you may be the only one he sees all day, smell the flowers, listen to birds, and praise God for all of it. And please share the gospel so all will know and Christ can come! I am ready to go home.