Change

I have typed a few entries since the last one posted however they were more like emotional vents which I don't think anyone reading this really needs/wants to hear. This summer has not been what I envisioned, but that is life. It normally doesn't follow our plan which makes me want to plan disasters and illness so that maybe it will be filled with just the opposite, calm lovely things where all is well but wait that will be in heaven.

This summer has been filled with change. Change is not something I like or do well, but it is the one of the two constants in life. God never changes and well life is always changing. I have found myself back in the emotional state of 2 summers ago, crying a lot and for no apparent reason most days, not sleeping well or sleeping and having no desire to get up, no hair brushing, ask Astrid of my summer fashion these days, eating random things at random times, and questioning God.

I think all of it is normal but not what I thought I would be doing this summer. I have however been able to talk about death a lot this summer with people and find their responses interesting when you are ok with death they look at you like you are crazy. I have been able to serve my mom in a way I never thought I would and have seen just how alike we are. I also have had to watch my dad age and ask questions that asked about Mike which is hard. I know how hard this is going to be and how hard it must be now. I always said that Mike took my brain with him when he left along with so much more of me, how much harder is this going to be for my dad as my mom has done so much for him for 46 years. He will adjust, I know, but my heart aches for him.

I am working on cleaning my parents house out as it will have to be remodeled, and this has been hard. I still haven't gone through all of Mikes stuff so to go through their stuff even though they are not dead is hard b/c you think along the same lines as if they were gone, although you can laugh when you find a memory or ask what they were thinking and why they still have whatever the item is. However it is hard too when my mom says I want you to have my _____ because I still want her to use it and wear it and well I don't want the stuff I want her. and that is hard to tell her.

If I have learned anything in the last 3 years its to enjoy life as a gift from God, and I know all of you reading this have heard me say it. But it is true, God gives us today and doesn't promise tomorrow. It wont help worrying or holding a grudge, it doesn't help anything to argue about small things. People are important, so please make a phone call to someone you haven't talked to in while and let them know you care, smile at the guy in the home depot parking lot you may be the only one he sees all day, smell the flowers, listen to birds, and praise God for all of it. And please share the gospel so all will know and Christ can come! I am ready to go home.