Friday, March 20, 2009
what not to say to a widow.
over the last 24 months I have gotten a lot of advice and what others have done what others think they might do and well random things. Most of which has either been helpful or I just let it go in one ear and out the other, ask any of my close friends I don't remember much of anything from the first year. but one comment has/is bugging me. "you're young you'll marry agian" and always in a tone that is positive as if this makes everything alright. What in the world are they thinking. Does my age mean I loved Mike less and would forget him faster than if I were 60 or 70? or do older people suddenly loose the ability to love after 50 so marriage isn't possible? I don't get it and I wish people would stop using my age and remariage in the same sentence and I wish people could remember that I knew Mike for 20 years. It shouldn't bother me but it does. Maybe I will marry again but maybe I won't and either way Im not ready to make that choice now it has only been 2 years which is not a lot of time. Plus Im still wrestling with scripture in this area. I realize in 1 Timothy it says that if widows are younger than 60 they should remarry. but Paul also states in 1 Corinthians 7:8 to the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. I think both of these state that if you have self control and are able to be single than its fine and if not don't sin get married. So for now I am fine being single and would be a disaster to date. (poor guy if this does ever happen) So this is my vent for the evening. I make no promise to marry or to remain single. I want to be content. stop giving dating and marrying advice.... God will do what He wants in my life and in the lives of the singles and married around me. It will be in His time and it is not dependent on age. So please don't use my age as a bandage for Mike's death. It would have hurt just as much if it had happened when I was 65 or if it happened when we were 26. sorry Iknow none of you who read this are the problem advice givers but this is whats on my mind. Happy Friday!
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4 comments:
My favorite is when people ask ME when YOU are going to get married again... Um... I just give them the "You're crazy" look and say who knows??? Contentment is the key. As long as God is using you for His glory, that is all that matters. Love you as you are!!! :)
that is funny. what in the world are people thinking. How would you know? how would i know! I have to come up with a better response than silence. But the silence prevents dirty water from flowing!!!
No, even if you're 50 you still would get the comments and people trying to fix you up. Anita's been there too. A lady at our church was certain that she was on the hunt after 2 years. I have trouble accepting the fact that Jeff's gone sometimes and I wasn't married to him. Anita is usually trying just to get from one day to the next by God's grace, though 6 years has made life more tolerable. There is not answer for those folks, they can't understand why you wouldn't want to buy a new husband now. Kinda like if your dishwasher died.
Wow, that is crazy. I always worry about saying the right thing, but I hope I would never say that. It probably makes them feel better - like they are somehow comforting you. Hang in there - or think of some quippy response like I would and let the dirty water flow....oops, did I just say that out loud?
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