April 5, 2007

April 5th there was no separation between Wed and Thursday. I was sent to have x-rays at 3am. I was flown to USC hospital and on the 3rd floor is the county jail ward along with the x-ray room. I was left in a hallway a chart on my chest laying there with other gernies some who had handcuffs attaching them. I thought no one even knows I'm here this is horrible I couldn't move and time moved so slow. When i finally was wheeled into xray it was the most painful thing I have ever felt. Trying to move my body into a position so they would have the right angle and hold it. I went back down stairs and don't really remember anything until about 2-3pm. Then my mom and the doctor came in together. This never happened so I asked what was wrong. They told me Mike had been hurt really bad and needed surgery and they wanted to know if I would ok that and then Ok his brother to make the decisions on my behalf since he was at the hospital. I talked to the social worker and then I laid there. I don't remember feeling anything. They came and moved me to a room which I thought would be by myself nope a room with about 10 of us all in a circle you can see everything. I watched with my mom and brother and saw mistakes being made. USC is a teaching hospital so the Dr would come in to see someone and a group of 6 or more would follow. There was a guy on a respirator and the lady went from him to the next bed without washing her hands, so Micah promptly made me little post it notes with kind reminders to wash hands, all my allergies, so there would be no questions if i fell asleep. So there I lay covered in post it notes waiting. Then Micah came in and looked terrible he just said Mike had a stroke during the surgery and it didn't look good. Tears flowed down my face. Micah left to do something and when one of the nurses saw me she asked what was wrong I told her My husband is dying and they won't let me go. She then started working with Micah to get me out of there. The charge nurse refused to let me go stating that every doctor I had seen since my arrival would have to approve the leave I had seen like 6 different ones. I just cried. She came in at 8 to give me pain meds and I refused them, I said if I take them I will fall asleep and wont be able to see him, she wasn't happy but didn't force them. then the doctor came in around 9:30 pm and told me he would release me to go for a walk. He provided a wheelchair-it looked like it was from the early 20s high back wood thing, but he said they had to hold my bed for 2 hours. Micah somehow lifted me into that thing again the pain was unbearable. every bump and crack I felt I got into the car and we drove slowly to Hunington Memorial. There a nurse with a gernie was waiting for me lifted me out of the car and wheeled me in to see Mike. He looked normal. He had a cut on his shoulder and yes his legs were wrapped, but his face was not damaged. His wrist was wrapped becuase he had broken it in mexico the summer prior and never had it fixed, then rebroke it the week before when he fell skateboarding to work. His hand had cuts on them, but I held on the best I could laying off the side of the bed next to his. He had a ton of tubes hooked up, but looked at peace. I talked to him for a while until the machine freaked me out with a loud ringing. I told Mike before I left that he needed to fight to stay here, but if God was calling him then he needed to listen and go. The doctor came in and wanted to take him to run more tests but while he went for the tests he had all the family gather in an empty room at the end of the hall. He then gave the grim reality of Mikes test results that there was no brain activity and I needed to decide what I wanted to do if he went into cardiac arrest which would happen. Should they revive him or not and did I want the life support to continue. After short conversation and a loud cry- the decision was made. It was 12:06 on APril 6th when I told the doctor to let mike go. I went into see him again I don't remember saying anything except goodbye and that I loved him over and over. I was so worried about getting back to the other hospital I was in so much pain. The doctor assured me that it was alright i was not thinking too clearly and remember laying in the hallway outside his door watching his family say goodbye. It was like a movie. They then took me upstairs to a room where I would spend the next week. gave me meds and well I continue tomorrow.