Sunday, May 31, 2009
Today I finished my first marathon. and had I trained would not be that impressive, but I am so impressed with the way God made the human body to be able to move in such amazing way for an extended amount of time. So not training I went into it with the idea that I would just run/walk it and finish regardless of the time. But then I ran the first 10 miles at 10 minute pace so I got to thinking well I think I should aim for under 5 hours. I ended up finishing at 5 hours 10 minutes (avg 11 min miles) but Im happy with that and next time I will train and be faster-God willing. It was a ton of fun. While I was running I had great stories I was going to post but tired now I will just say I finished and I am totally going to run another one, anyone want to join me? next year its on June 6th.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Saturday mornings I go to Grief Share, which is a grief group. I'm never too excited to go, because it makes you face your grief. You have to share(which I don't like doing) and you have to listen to others (which I do like doing, most of the time). Anyways each week the topic changes and you discuss something different. Today was about the uniqueness of grief. how everyone's grief is different based on who you lost and how you lost them. They have good insights. Today however my encouragement came from the fellowship after the meeting. In talking with them the leader said that he and his wife can see a change in me. I asked what that was b/c I don't feel like I am any further along than before. But he said I look happy and I don't cry everytime I try to speak, and i share more. I am now struggling with different things. The secondary losses and not the shock of grief but now the lonliness of grief. You wouldn't think that meeting with a bunch of people who are all depressed would make you smile, but i leave there each week with a smile even though that is sometimes accompanied with tears. I think this is why we are to bear each others burdens. I know that I am not the only one who is going to an emtpy house after the meeting, I am not the only one who cries at night, I am not the only one who is an emotional rollercoaster much of the time, I am not the only one who can t make decisions, has regrets, has anxiety, has questions, but I am also not the only one who thinks God understands, gives grace, comfort, healing, and that this was part of a plan. I am the youngest person there by a good 20 years, yet God is using me to help them, and using them to help me. The losses are different, but God is the same, and He knows the plan He knew the number of days of every life taken, and of those still here. He has a plan and while I try to figure that out and work through my grief issues and my sin, He is still working in me, why I don't know, but He is and He is in all of their lives too. So long story to get to my point, God puts people in our lives for minutes, days, or years for a reason, perhaps to encourage or teach or to help bear their burdens. Today was just a reminder how doing that helps not only the person you are helping but you as well. This is not a pretty job and tears will be shed, but it is part of why we are here and it is a way to share God's grace to those around us.