Thursday, December 29, 2011
Hello lactic acid. Its a great feeling. well sort of. My legs are a little sore which is just a sign of exactly how out of shape I am that a 35 min jog would do this to me, but.... So today I got way too involved in cleaning. I have been trying over this break to actually move into this house. It has been 5 years since Mike and i bought this place, while it is far different today than Dec 23, 2006, I have never really moved in. So when I looked up it was already after 11, so beach run was out of the question, so I took all three dogs on a 45 min walk. Granted Sam had to take several breaks along the way, which he did in the middle of the street- great timing Sam. They were really very good today, minimal pulling and peeing- always a plus! Diet wise, I did not eat or drink enough, but made better food choices than I have been making.... small steps I say! Tomorrow is another day. I am hoping to get down to the beach, but really want to finish this house. Today the lady 2 doors down came by (never happens) she asked if I was moving, no just cleaning- I literally have taken everything off the shelves, out of the closets and put them all back minus the stuff I'm giving away. So tomorrow Salvation Army will get a big load from me:) Anyways pray for Diana-shes the neighbor she had ovarian cancer, but now they found a softball size mass in her rib area, but it is wrapped around her aorta somehow so they are putting her through 6 months of intense chemo so hopefully it will shrink and they can remove it easier. Nice lady, goes to a orthadox presbaterian church, anyone know what they believe? perhaps I will visit. Well hope your week is going well. Only 2 days left this year, enjoy them.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
In the past year I have gladly given up many things to be able to be with mom. however today I decided that I need to try to be me again and do a few things that used to bring me joy and make me feel good. Primarily working out and eating healthy. For the past year I have been making mom yummy feel good fat foods, which I love and she has enjoyed, however my body is now suffering the consequences.... I have no energy and my clothes dont fit. So yesterday when I saw a pair of pants on sale I decided that I needed to do something (as I dont need new clothes, just need to be able to fit into the ones I have) So yesterday I put on workout clothes, ran some errands and crawled back into bed. Today put the same workout clothes on took the boys to the vet (now I cant afford new pants anyways) and then went to the beach to run. I only ran for 35 minutes then walked for 10 but it felt horrible and fantastic all at the same time. I love running and need to make time for it despite how tired I am from the hours I work, so for now while I am off work running will happen. So I am going to use this blog once again as accountability as I know pretty much only Dini reads this (hi!) but as I looked back on my older posts it was good to read my thoughts and motivated me as I saw what I used to be capable of doing. I'm not ready to put on a swimsuit at 4:30 in the morning just yet, but running clothes will be a good start. So today so far a 45 run/walk from ave 26-4 blocks past the 90210 house and back. Breakfast= oatmeal and an egg. I will post lunch, dinner and snacks later. I'm hoping I will be able to get back into this so I can feel a little more like myself, and not be so self conscious and perhaps have some energy.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Church, who needs it? well I do. I went to church for the first time in months on Sunday. I miss church. I haven't really been to church where I understand whats going on for probably more than a year. Which is funny to me as I was known as the "church girl" growing up. But as I sat in church and tried to figure out what the pastor was saying, I would look up the passage and then read the chapters before and after just 'cause. Then we were in Psalms and I read 77 thought of a song, read pasalm 119:14-29 thought of mom, and on and on I went reading (hence adding to my lack of understanding the sermon) Various books of the Bible, old testament and new I realized just how much I miss it. It amazes me that God loves me so much that He wrote this book for me to help me when I need it, in a million different circumstances it always address my need. Hebrews 4:16 (was in the sermon, but Im sure not talking about what I learned) says that I can come BOLDLY before God's throne. which is amazing b/c I should drop dead at the sight of it b/c of how holy He is. but not only can I come before the throne but He will give mercy and grace in my time of need. He is a judge and will judge me, but b/c of Christ, I am not only allowed to come before him, but he wants me know that I can come boldly, not like a timid child but boldly and get mercy and grace. Amazing. now I just need to remember this in my daily life and not rely on myself to get through everything, but boldly ask Him to help me. Perhaps my life would be less stressfull. I was glad to be in church, even if I don't know what they are singing or saying, I somehow am learning in spite of that. however in time I need a church so pray for that.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
I have not written in a while, but to say Ive been busy would be an understatement. Sunday was mothers day and well it got me thinking, a year ago mothers day my mom took her last step or shall I say fall. She was recovering from back surgery and on mothers day instead of improving she fell and never was able to stand back up. This started several visits to various doctors to see what was going on. In July (July 22 to be exact) my mom and I went to UCLA and got her diagnosis of ALS. since then i have watched the most independent person I know becomes dependent on others for everything. I have also watched her become even more bold with her mouth which I thought was impossible. Since July my mom progressively became paralyzed. But i have had the opportunity to spend almost everyday with her, sharing in the adventures of Gladys and Amy as I learned to creatively move her this summer, (armando had to come rescue her on more than one occasion as I got her stuck in random spots) to trying to create positions that make it more comfortable for her, to cooking gormet meals that she wanted in magazines she read. This time has been difficult and the most tiring job I have ever had, but I would not trade it for anything. While I don't know why God gave my mom this horrible disease, I do know he gave me the time with mom to heal our relationship, to heal me, and teach me how to be humble, loving, and to again remind me that life is short. Mom says she has her ticket and is waiting for Jesus to punch it. I too have my ticket and while some days I enjoy my layover here on earth I too am ready for my trip home. However while I am here I pray that I can be bold as my mom, who literally shares Jesus bluntly with everyone who enters her path. God has taken the use of every muscle away from her except her mouth, Im glad she realizes that is a gift and she is using it daily to praise him