Copper update

I have an appointment with the doggie cancer doctor on Saturday. I am hoping they can answer my questions and give me a better idea of what is going to happen with Copper. The lumps on his throat have multiply, about every 2 days a new one forms, we are up to 4 tonight. I looked on the internet and in reading about treatment and time lines I will have Copper for about a month more, if that. Which breaks my heart. We got Copper exactly 5 years ago in October. He was so small he fit in my one hand and forearm (if you can imagine). I can remember driving him home hoping I had picked the right puppy for Mike. He was so shy and scared. He would follow Sampson around everywhere, but would always hide under things (chairs, beds, tables, the couch) anywhere he fit, which was almost anywhere. As he grew he still would try to put as much of himself under an object as possible, even as I type he is under the table. Copper is my guard dog. He lets me know when there is real danger (unlike Sam who barks at anything/everything) he is my pest control, but he is also my cuddle friend. He loves to give kisses and lay in my lap, most of all he more than Sam knows when I am sad and will just lay next to me and lick my tears. I am having such a hard time thinking about what it is going to be like without him. He was Mike's fave, I have so many pictures with him sleeping with Copper, Copper is a much better cuddler than I ever was! Mainly I feel like I am going backwards in grief, which is really the last place I want to go, but I don't know how to stop that. I am loosing my kid. So please pray I don't loose my mind over this and that my emotions don't get out of control. I will keep you posted.

pray for me!

Copper has cancer. So I need to decide on treatment. I need help making that decision so pray that I make a wise one.

prayer request

Copper in his usuall way has killed a few critters this past week. He had a lump on his throat that I thought was probably from one of his wrestling matches. So today I took him to the vet b/c the lump was bigger. Well the vet said that his lymphnodes were all inflamed and he had a fever. So the vet took some samples. The early diagnosis is two posibilities, one an infection and two cancer. So pray that it is just an infection and the antibiotics work. I don't want to even think about option 2, except I did and tears fell and my stomach was in knots. Pray for my dog, I know that sounds lame, but he is my kid and Im not sure right now I can handle any more than what I already am dealing with. So copper and I both have fevers and only one is on antibiotics so I guess pray for me too. I cant get to the Dr until monday afternoon. Hopefully I will be better by then.

true results

well i looked today at how I actually did in my triathalon. since i have never done one before I really had no idea of what my time should be or how hard to push myself and still have enough energy to last the entire race. I think I did alright. My overall time was 1:24:31 which is not bad. place wise I was in the middle of the field 514 out of 1000. my swim time-12:44 t1-4:08 bike-39:55 t2-2:05 run-25:38 so i know where I need to improve! I need speed training and a beter transition from the swim to the bike although I think I was simply frozen. But now I have a goal for the next one!! and yes there will be a next one!! if anyone wants to join the craziness let me know!!

I survived!

Sunday I competed in my first triathalon. It was quite an adventure. Saturday I went down to hermosa pier to practice/play in the ocean. it was cold and due to the amount of wind, the surf was big and choppy. I am so glad that it was not that way sunday. The water temp dropped so I believe it was like 58 or less, so since I was one of a few that didn't have a wet suit it was FREEZING! but I made it. I think I was purple by the time I got out, but I made my way up the beach to the transition area where I quickly put on shorts, tanktop, long sleeve shirt, and cycling shoes. I grabbed a small amount of GU to give me a quick energy boost. and away I rode up pier ave onto the bike course. I was still numb from the swim which may have helped! You ride 3 laps then head back to the pier. But let me tell you about the bike ride, there were over 1000 participants and although you have a stagard start there were a lot of bikes still going when I was there. so if you are behind a slow bike you have to pass on the left and yell "on your left" as you pass, well the problem was that anytime I wanted to pass there were always a whole line of bikes passing as well so I couldn't pull into that passing shoulder. I am too polite I guess (I didn't want to get hit or cause an accident really) I was trying to watch other bikers when they would shift and try to follow, but needless to say I need practice. The odd part is that your legs are tired when you start but by the middle I don't think I felt them. anyways next you ride down Pier Ave back to the transition area to put your bike up, take off the jacket, put socks on and running shoes. well the only problem was I had NO feeling in my feet. try putting socks on frozen sleeping damp feet fun times! I then had a sip of propell and headed out for the run however i forgot to get more GU and really needed it! but I ran with no feeling in my feet until close to the final mile. I kept looking at peoples leg where your age was written in marker trying to catch anyone older than me, or younger. I am not sure what my time was as I forgot to set my watch at the start, but what is important is that I finished and I felt alright throughout the race. Next time I will do things slightly different and train different, but as my mom huged me at the end with tears saying "you've come so far" it made me think that even though sometimes it feels like the accident was so long ago it really wasn't and for not being able to walk 18months ago to be able to complete this type of event makes me very grateful to know that God has done some amazing healing both physically and mentally as well as spiritually to enable me to compete. I have also been blessed to have great support from Trent my trainer and Phil the nutritionist who have given me structure and push my body in ways I would never do on my own, but I think it is good. So many people have come into my life some totally new and others just in a new deeper way and I am gratefull for them. So now training begins for the Turkey trot!! then who knows!! thanks for all your prayers! I am still defrosting but cant complain! I'll let you know my times when I get them. Oh you too can do this, Im not crazy as some think, you can be part of a relay! think about it it could be fun I am happy to train with you!!

life update

i have not had the chance to blog recently due primarily to a lack of internet access. so i will attempt to catch you all up to speed. first i am currently at my sisters house watching my 3year old niece while my sister and her husband took my newborn niece to emergency. alot has happened since my last entry. pray for them. the baby has a cold and is having difficulty breathing, so pray that the cold goes away and she is able to breath.

my last entry i was preparing to paint, well after a few minor incidents and a really long weekend of painting the house looks good. thanks to all who helped. it was difficult for me to complete it, but it feels good too. the wasp stings didn't feel good, but checking this item off the list did feel good. a good friend of mine pointed out that i probably don't like finishing projects b/c i really don't want to feel at home. that is probably true. more so however it is that working on the house is pretty much the only memory i have at the house b/c that is all we did, so working by myself is hard and reminds me of how alone i am. but on a happier note the monday after we painted my sister went into labor and i now have a new little, at birth 8lbs 14oz, niece. so i have been spending my few free nights keeping ava busy and trying to let my sister sleep. for all you want to be moms, i suggest spending a week or so with a new mom before rushing in to the baby thing. there is a reason moms are kind of crazy.... so it is friday, well actually saturday now, and sunday is my first triathalon. i am really excited/nervous only because i have never done anything like this. however all the latest grief emails suggest excersize, trying new things, and eating healthy. all of which relate to this adventure. i am nervous about the swim only b/c the surf should be kind of big due to storms, which may help me b/c most triathaletes are not swimmers, so astrid you could totally join me, so hopefully i can get out fast through the surf and be near the front to start the bike which will be the slowest leg for me as i am not a biker and have trained very little for. then the run which i am fine with i just have not trained for speed i have been focused on my endurance b/c after the accident i couldn't walk five steps without being tired so now i can run be it slow, for over an hour with little problem, so three miles is not that far only trying to do it fast after the swim and bike make it a little more interesting but that is the joy of it. i'll let you know how it goes. pray that i get sleep between now and then, i am spending late nights at my sisters and getting up early for work and swimming, and when i am not at my sisters i still am up late with my thoughts, so pray for rest.