missing mom

today is Friday and I am home at 6:30pm. I am never home this early. All week I have been at mom's house spending time with dad making sure he wasn't alone. He went with my brother in llaw tonight, which meant I was not needed there and so I came home. However I have no idea what to do. I do not feel like cleaning (as we cleaned each day at moms) and honestly I feel very odd. What do people do when they get home before 10pm on a Friday??? This I fear is what I am goig to struggle with. Tomorow my dad and I will go to the mortuary to sign papers, I remember all too well what this was like with Mike. five years later Im doing it again. At least I know what to expect, and that has been helpful with dad. I think we might have to get cable, never thought I would say that, I have lived 41/2 years with out it, but at moms we watched the cooking channel and sports all the time, I am going to miss that. how she would crack up and comment on dumb comertials, guess who would be chopped, the list goes on. I know she is happier now but I miss her already and its only been a couple of days. As much as I wished for a Friday night off, now I have one and don't have a clue as to what to do with it. I guess that is life, always wishing for something that you don't have and not realizing what you have until its gone, except I knew what I had with mom.

a dramtic change

All week I have been dreading this weekend. Why? because everyone was going to be out of town which left Joel and I to cover the weekend. However I now feel completly guilty as my mom has had a rapid change in her health. On Tuesday, after she took her pills she felt pain in her throat. since then each time she would try to eat or drink anything she would have massive saliva production which led to a lot of spitting and fear that she would choke on her own spit. This brought back the use of the cough machine and brought to the house a suction machine. We tried different ways/items/textures of food/drink, but all of them had the same effect. so since Wed mom really has not eaten but a few trial bites of any food. However she was herself up beat and talkative until Thursday night. She had several visitors and went to bed at 3 which never happens. Friday morning after her bath she didnt want to get out of bed, which was a sign that tthings were not good, cause on her really bad days she always went to the other room. Friday would be the last time I would hear my moms voice. She had trouble speaking but got out one word sounds and I would complete her thoughts. As the day progressed she talked less and less and opened her eyes less and less. Early Sat. morning her requests stopped. She slept most of the day and today Sunday we stopped the IV as that was her wish. This is by far the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. Watching her lay there unresponsive breaks my heart. She is comfortable (i think) we are doing the best to manage that. But this is not her. I now pray that God would grant the desire of her heart that she would be able to be with Him. That she will once again sing His praises, she will dance again, and will see her savior face to face. She has fought the good fight and she is finishing well. To the end she was in love with her Savior. She shared this with everyone she came in contact with. she studied his word daily and loved it. I am who I am because of her and I am so gratefull for the Godly mother that I was given. I am also so thankful for the last two years that I have spent nearly every day with her. I am glad that I was able to do something for her as she gave me her whole life. She made sure I got to every soccer game/tournament, softball game, she was my beach buddy for many a summer. We had so many adventures together. we did not always agree, but God is so faithful in allowing our relationship to be restored and allowing me to once again be friends with my mom. I am so grateful for this one thing. I will miss her as I already do. But I know that God is faithful and he will be with me as I walk through the days ahead. I know that he is able to heal and that good does come from the darkness.

Thank you O'Roarks!

not so good pic, but ...proof we actually were there.

Love the turtles!

Bad pic but fun Otters

One of my fave things to watch, Jellies:) they are fun to touch too!

Touching sharks and rays

About a month ago the O'Roarks came to visit LA, and while I could lie and say it was to visit me, it was for little ms. Daphne's arrival. But while they were here I did enjoy hanging out with them for a bit. They also brought with them a coupon for the aquarium, which I vowed to use. So on Sunday for a few hours we went which provided a much needed break. I planned to post many pics but can only load one. sad! but loved it:)

Ok this is backwards but o'well