Sunday, December 9, 2012

Torn by Beliefs

Today was an interesting day.  My brother had his daughter (who is 8 months old) baptized. The whole service I just kept thinking every passage you are reading you are misapplying.  It made me think that if I am having this much trouble with a small piece of theology in my family, how much harder would it be for people who have completely different views.  It made me realize why Christ said if you love me you must leave your family.  I was so bothered by it I started crying in the service because it took all of my might to sit and not say a word about all the things that were wrong.  I wanted so badly to point them out and scream  baptism doesn't make you a child of God belief in Christ does.  You cannot be a child of God if you don't have belief in His Son.  I'm not saying God doesn't love this child, he loves in a general sense all of his creation, but you are not a child of God with the gift of the Holy Spirit until you believe and confess in Jesus. 

Since my mom passed away I now have an even bigger burden for the salvation of my family.  We all grew up in the same house, but each person is at a different place in their walk with God.  Some are walking with Him, others just have the head knowledge without visible application of the truths they know.  I am not one to judge them, God will, but I am concerned for their hearts and the hearts of their kids.  My mom was the spiritual leader in our home, which may surprise some as you would expect that my dad being a pastor would have filled that role.  But it was her.  She was the one who would encourage us to read our Bibles, pray, and live a life that would please God, but above all she prayed for us each one of us every day.  Now I feel that there is a void.  So I feel that I need to be her voice to them sharing the Word of God with them.  I am not as bold as her, so this scares me beyond belief.  But to my surprise God provided a window today.  I didn't want to even be there, as I don't agree but want to show support so there I was an emotional wreck trying to keep it together on the outside. 

My 4 year old niece came over and grabbed me by the hand, "I need you" she took me out of the room to a large Christmas tree where at the bottom was a porcelain nativity scene.  She sat down pulling me with her and said, "what is this?"  I said its the nativity scene.  "whats that, tell me the story" she said.  So I told her about each one of the figures and why they were in the scene.  I ended by telling her that God sent Jesus so we could be with Him in Heaven.  She said she wanted no part of Heaven.  Why I asked.  "because you have to die to go there and I don't want to die" It was hard to explain to her that Heaven is so much better than here, but I understand her fear.  Then she said I don't believe in God,  why I asked.  "I cant see Him, so hes not real" but about 2 seconds later she was telling me how God rested on the 7th day of creation.  We talked about this for a bit and then went back with the family.

I needed that conversation today.  Maybe more for me than for her.  God gave me what I wanted, a chance to share with my family in a way that I could do.  My prayer is that there would be more conversations like these not only with the 4 year old but with all of them.  I am not as bold as my mom, but she taught me well by example that God places you where you are for a reason.  She used to tell me my adventures were "Jesus missions".  I was a missionary, not to a foreign land usually but to foreigners to the kingdom of God. 

I am glad God encourages me when I need it and it ways I don't expect