I forgot the dancing

This summer my crazy mom signed up for square dancing and line dancing and asked if I would join her. So i thought line dancing on mondays sounded better than square dancing on sundays. So a dancing queen I have been. Electric slide, elvira, tush push, cowboy hustle, blue rose, cowgirl twist, and so many more. While Im not very good my mom and I keep ourselves entertained either laughing at ourselves or the intensity of the others in the class. There are some who take it way too seriously!! Us Carlson girls just wanna have fun and so we laugh a lot!!

summer thus far

Ok so it has been requested that I update my blog, and since I love the O'Roarks (both generations) here is the summer recap:
June & July I had the opportunity to do my administrative field work (student teaching for principals) at an elementary school in Long Beach (minutes from CS and Leilani, I already miss stopping by on my way to and from work). I loved every part of it except that I was not being paid for my long hours, but it was a fabulous experience and has prompted me to start looking at different schools to work at and possibly venture to the elementary world. Kids are so cute and well not high schoolers. In any case its the first time in years I have been happy going to work.

Astrid and I also were able to take a trip to Santa Maria. So fun! Big trains little trains and great conversation with the O'Roarks. Love weekends there. Must do that again soon! I will post pictures later.

After I finally finished this course work I have had a few beach days which has been really nice. It has provided me with time to read (yes Astrid I finished a book already), and also time to reflect on who I am and where I want to be both physically and spiritually (and I have a long way to grow in both areas).

August has begun with competition. My brother competed on Fri and Sat nights in the inter-crew and taplin doing well in both although not the outcome he is satisfied with, always pushing himself to be the best I can learn a lot from him (and yes Leilani he is crazy) Night surf competitions are exciting and well my John Deere sweatshirt kept me warm and was a popular item the whole weekend. (I had several parties asking where I got it from. Thank you Kevin and Dini) Yesterday I swam pier to pier which is my one ocean water swim that I have done for 14 years now, why? The fun of competition. This year 1100 swimmers, the first year only a few hindered. it is exciting and challenging but the sense of accomplishment when you finish is amazing. It is interesting to me all the thoughts I have while on my super long endurance races this one much shorter than the marathon by about 4 hours. It was difficult this year as I couldn't find Ed until about half way, but I know that even if he can't do it one year I can do it alone, only slower and not in a straight path, I was all over the place ask the lifeguards that were watching. The current was not pushing us rather was against us but even with that my arms felt good, my stomach did not, the choppy surf makes for a crampy stomach and having only taken one Dramamine before entering the water I wished I had taken 2! but at least I didn't feed the fish this year. The finish was the hared part as my calves cramped as I tried to watch the waves and reach the bottom to run. Fun times running out of the water with the thought that your legs aren't going to hold your weight. But all in all a great Sunday morning workout. Next year more training for the marathon and the swim!

Now I am preparing for Australia. Leilani helped me buy some essentials on Saturday. She should be a personal shopper, although I take most of what she says looks good back as I am stuck in my plain jane ways of dressing, but alas one day I will actually have to dress my age and perhaps a pattern or two wouldn't hurt me, however sweats, flips, and tank tops are more my style. So I now have a cute pair of shoes which for once look better on big feet than little ones (sorry Leilani, but I saved you some money with you not buying them) I have purchased my tickets to the opera house and talked with Libby about all the places we want to go. I am excited and cant wait to see more of God's amazing creation. I am excited about my 20 day journey. I will be back at the end of the month (so Leilani you can rest and not worry I'm not planning on moving there or not returning I have my boys to come back to)

SO that is summer in a quick overview of the summer so far!

God's blessings

God is so amazing. Yesterday would have been my 6th wedding anniversary, and I didn't even remember that until Thursday (progress!!!!) it just shows me how much healing God has done in my heart. God has blessed me with so many amazing people and I am so grateful for each one of them. Some have been in my life for a really long time, some just a few months but all of them were placed there by God for a specific purpose. I am still so unsure of what God is doing in my life but I am completely sure that He knows far better what is best for me. He has blessed me far more than I ever deserve. I am grateful for each day (hard or not). He is my joy! and I am joyful!!! Enjoy today, enjoy life, it is a gift from HIM!!!!

Anyone want to run?

Today I finished my first marathon. and had I trained would not be that impressive, but I am so impressed with the way God made the human body to be able to move in such amazing way for an extended amount of time. So not training I went into it with the idea that I would just run/walk it and finish regardless of the time. But then I ran the first 10 miles at 10 minute pace so I got to thinking well I think I should aim for under 5 hours. I ended up finishing at 5 hours 10 minutes (avg 11 min miles) but Im happy with that and next time I will train and be faster-God willing. It was a ton of fun. While I was running I had great stories I was going to post but tired now I will just say I finished and I am totally going to run another one, anyone want to join me? next year its on June 6th.

Bearing one another's burdens

Saturday mornings I go to Grief Share, which is a grief group. I'm never too excited to go, because it makes you face your grief. You have to share(which I don't like doing) and you have to listen to others (which I do like doing, most of the time). Anyways each week the topic changes and you discuss something different. Today was about the uniqueness of grief. how everyone's grief is different based on who you lost and how you lost them. They have good insights. Today however my encouragement came from the fellowship after the meeting. In talking with them the leader said that he and his wife can see a change in me. I asked what that was b/c I don't feel like I am any further along than before. But he said I look happy and I don't cry everytime I try to speak, and i share more. I am now struggling with different things. The secondary losses and not the shock of grief but now the lonliness of grief. You wouldn't think that meeting with a bunch of people who are all depressed would make you smile, but i leave there each week with a smile even though that is sometimes accompanied with tears. I think this is why we are to bear each others burdens. I know that I am not the only one who is going to an emtpy house after the meeting, I am not the only one who cries at night, I am not the only one who is an emotional rollercoaster much of the time, I am not the only one who can t make decisions, has regrets, has anxiety, has questions, but I am also not the only one who thinks God understands, gives grace, comfort, healing, and that this was part of a plan. I am the youngest person there by a good 20 years, yet God is using me to help them, and using them to help me. The losses are different, but God is the same, and He knows the plan He knew the number of days of every life taken, and of those still here. He has a plan and while I try to figure that out and work through my grief issues and my sin, He is still working in me, why I don't know, but He is and He is in all of their lives too. So long story to get to my point, God puts people in our lives for minutes, days, or years for a reason, perhaps to encourage or teach or to help bear their burdens. Today was just a reminder how doing that helps not only the person you are helping but you as well. This is not a pretty job and tears will be shed, but it is part of why we are here and it is a way to share God's grace to those around us.

perhaps there is a purpose.

Last week a teacher I mentor lost his significant other to cancer. We have had a few conversations about her and her progress or lack there of over the last 2 years. About 3 weeks ago I asked how she was and she wasn't good, he asked me to pray for her, and I agreed. When I heard she had past I wondered what am I going to say to him, nothing people say at this time helps and I sure didn't want to be the one to say something flipant and stupid just to say something. Usually I see him once a week or every couple of weeks, this week I have seen him and talked with him every day. Today we talked about Christ and spiritual warfare. Just pray that he continues to talk with me and that what I share with him brings clarity. He believes in Christ and the afterlife, just not sure in what capacity at this point. So did the accident have purpose, yes if only to relate to this person who sits in the same place I was not so long ago, tired, worried, and wondering why. Pray I would have great quiet times to share with him, for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth flows. I need to work on filling my heart with scripture so that God's word is what flows out of my mouth, then I won't have flipant stupid answers rather healing comforting words.

decision making is not my forte

In an effort to stop Sampson from crying/howling/just being sad I adopted two puppies from the animal shelter, thinking that if he had friends he would stop. However my logic was not correct. I got the dogs on Thursday, it is now Sunday and Sam just barks at them. He seems fine with them he just doesn't seem to interact with them. Which is not what I expected. They however are puppies and are into everything which I guess I didn't really think about until I was trying to do homework this weekend and the fact that Sam is barking all day drove me nuts, but I couldn't keep them in the house b/c I can't watch them (they chewed my computer battery charger wire this morning while I was typing grrrrrr!) So I need prayer. One that the dogs will get along and Sam will get used to them and like them. and 2 that I don't loose my mind trying to train them! Oh and I'm so scared of making another wrong decision that I can't pick names! I miss Mike-he was so much better at all this stuff or at least I could ask him and he would veto my crazy ideas!!