Copper update

I promised to keep you (not sure who really reads this blog but) informed so here is what has happened in the last 2 weeks. I took Copper to the cancer specialist who really wanted to give him Chemo that day. I asked her the details of the procedure, side effects, and cost. The first 9 weeks of treatment for a dog his size (I like the big dogs!) would be around $3,000. Then there would be maintanance every few weeks after that for an indefinate amount of time, the most expensive drugs drop off but it would still be a couple hundred each time. This would give Copper about 13 months more of life. After many tears and about a half an hour of going back and forth I told the doctor I was in no shape to make a decision. I have learned from my mistakes that when money is involved I have to be in a good emotional place, or at least a stable one. So after much thought and a baking of several desserts I came to terms that financially I cannot afford the chemo. The other option is to treat the enlarged lymphnodes with a hormone. This would reduce the size of the lymphnodes but do nothing for the cancer.(it basically gives Copper comfort while the cancer continues to spread) giving him about 2 months. So last Monday I took him for a blood test to see if he was alright to do the hormones, when the doctor called with the results I explained that I wanted just to do the hormone therapy, he said he might have an additional treatment I could try. So on Wed. I met with him and there is a Chemo pill that I can give Copper but the side effects are much more like human Chemo than the full Chemo treatment would have given him. This would extend his life possibly 6 months. However after thinking about the side effects (which Copper may or may not get) if he did have side effects he would probably be sick for the remainder of his life. Right now he is himself, chasing cats, small dogs, he cleared a very high wall on Saturday morning hunting something, and he continues to be my cuddle dog. So after much thought I think in Copper's best intrest for quality of life I am just going to let the hormones make him comfortable. I feel aweful b/c I am not doing all that I can, but i don't want to risk him getting sick either. I can't imagine what parents of kids with cancer go through. As of today the lymphnodes are smaller so he is responding to them, but it isn't a cure and the prediction from the vet is about 2 months. So for now we are going on walks on days when I don't have class and I am trying to enjoy him while I have him, so I don't have regrets when he's not here. As I sat on the beach last Sunday, I tried to put things into perspective. I lost my best friend, pastor, the person who loved me more than I ever deserved, my dreamer, accountablity partner, encourager, and so many more roles that Mike filled, and God brought me, well is bringing me through, so surely he will help me cope with this. It doesn't feel any better, but God has been faithful and He will continue to be. It is another part of Mike I will be loosing but well Im not even sure what to say about it. It is my reality as death is everyones reality and it is unavoidable for every living thing. It serves as a reminder that we are a vapor and that even nature is waiting for Christ's return when it too will be made perfect and new. Mike had already explained to me that all dogs don't go to Heaven. But they are here and they do bring joy and I think they like the rest of creation can point to God. So maybe Copper licking my tears is really a gift from God to remind me that as alone as I feel, God still cares and is catching all my tears. Thanks for praying!