1/2 way there

Well tomorow I am 20 weeks which is 1/2 way to full term:) I feel like I have been pregnant for forever.  This week has been quite an emotional week (and I don't think I can blame the hormones).  Friday Armando and I left for Cabo San Lucas.  It was really nice and what I needed.  A little beach time is always a good thing for me.  We came back on Christmas day and went to my sisters where probably for the first time all of my siblings were together on  Christmas day.  I could only look at my dad and wonder if he was feeling the way I was my first Christmas without Mike.  Happy on outside and falling apart on the inside.  It was different without mom.  Christmas was her faovorite holiday, enough so that she always wanted to celebrate it again in July.  She would buy small gifts throughout the year and well that meant there was plenty of gifts to open on Christmas.  Baking this year was not the week long event that it was normally, abrieviated would be an understatement.  But we did gather at Dads and bake some, which to dad was a comfort.  Perhaps in July I can convice the crew to bake:) This year though new tradition, Shelly, Micah, and Armando played guitar and sang Christmas songs- I wont say carols as they were all the frosty and santa songs that Shelly picked out, but to him perhaps that is what he thinks of as Christmas.  So next year I will be ready with printed sheets of carols that tell the real reason of Christmas, Christ.

Well the day after Christmas I had my monthly check in with the OB.  I have been told by several that I needed to tell the doctor about the car accident and the injuries that I had.  In the last few weeks I can feel them again, I think it is the muscles and bones stretching, and where there is scar tissue and stiffness it hurts, but never the less I told him.  His response was -"well you are probably going to have to have a c- section.  I know my face dropped b/c he immediately started stating all the benifits to c-sections and its not that bad......... I forgot everything else I was going to ask him and walked to the car tears streaming down my face.  I realize that in reality it doesn't really matter how the baby arrives as long as it arrives healthy, but something inside me really wanted to experience a natural birth.  So I requested my medical records and am praying that they show that the birth channel is not afftected and I can try to have a natural birth. 

Thursday I went for the anatomy scan.  This is the ultrasound where they check all the organs and make sure everything is the right size and in the right place.  It was probably one of the coolest things I have ever seen.  I was sad that Armando had to work and couldn't be there, but I took Dawn with me and she had an amazing time.  It was like watching a video in biology class- you could see all 4 ventricles of the heart, the different areas of the brain, watch the blood flow into the kidneys, amazing to think this is all happening inside me.  Then they took a picture of the feet- holy cow the cutest things ever so tiny and so complete AMAZING:) Dawn asked exactly how big is the baby- well its 10 ounces- my response a good size steak:) pretty funny to think about. 

I am looking very pregnant now- My belly I think has finally poped out and decided to stay out which is wierd and wonderful all at the same time.  Until now it would swell and shrink and I felt looked mostly like fat as opposed to prego.  So we will see how the 2nd half of this goes.  Im am grateful God has given me this gift and opportunity- one I had given up on 5 years ago.  God can do amazing things:)