time for me

In the past year I have gladly given up many things to be able to be with mom. however today I decided that I need to try to be me again and do a few things that used to bring me joy and make me feel good. Primarily working out and eating healthy. For the past year I have been making mom yummy feel good fat foods, which I love and she has enjoyed, however my body is now suffering the consequences.... I have no energy and my clothes dont fit. So yesterday when I saw a pair of pants on sale I decided that I needed to do something (as I dont need new clothes, just need to be able to fit into the ones I have) So yesterday I put on workout clothes, ran some errands and crawled back into bed. Today put the same workout clothes on took the boys to the vet (now I cant afford new pants anyways) and then went to the beach to run. I only ran for 35 minutes then walked for 10 but it felt horrible and fantastic all at the same time. I love running and need to make time for it despite how tired I am from the hours I work, so for now while I am off work running will happen. So I am going to use this blog once again as accountability as I know pretty much only Dini reads this (hi!) but as I looked back on my older posts it was good to read my thoughts and motivated me as I saw what I used to be capable of doing. I'm not ready to put on a swimsuit at 4:30 in the morning just yet, but running clothes will be a good start. So today so far a 45 run/walk from ave 26-4 blocks past the 90210 house and back. Breakfast= oatmeal and an egg. I will post lunch, dinner and snacks later. I'm hoping I will be able to get back into this so I can feel a little more like myself, and not be so self conscious and perhaps have some energy.

church?!

Church, who needs it? well I do. I went to church for the first time in months on Sunday. I miss church. I haven't really been to church where I understand whats going on for probably more than a year. Which is funny to me as I was known as the "church girl" growing up. But as I sat in church and tried to figure out what the pastor was saying, I would look up the passage and then read the chapters before and after just 'cause. Then we were in Psalms and I read 77 thought of a song, read pasalm 119:14-29 thought of mom, and on and on I went reading (hence adding to my lack of understanding the sermon) Various books of the Bible, old testament and new I realized just how much I miss it. It amazes me that God loves me so much that He wrote this book for me to help me when I need it, in a million different circumstances it always address my need. Hebrews 4:16 (was in the sermon, but Im sure not talking about what I learned) says that I can come BOLDLY before God's throne. which is amazing b/c I should drop dead at the sight of it b/c of how holy He is. but not only can I come before the throne but He will give mercy and grace in my time of need. He is a judge and will judge me, but b/c of Christ, I am not only allowed to come before him, but he wants me know that I can come boldly, not like a timid child but boldly and get mercy and grace. Amazing. now I just need to remember this in my daily life and not rely on myself to get through everything, but boldly ask Him to help me. Perhaps my life would be less stressfull. I was glad to be in church, even if I don't know what they are singing or saying, I somehow am learning in spite of that. however in time I need a church so pray for that.

Seasons

a year ago

I have not written in a while, but to say Ive been busy would be an understatement. Sunday was mothers day and well it got me thinking, a year ago mothers day my mom took her last step or shall I say fall. She was recovering from back surgery and on mothers day instead of improving she fell and never was able to stand back up. This started several visits to various doctors to see what was going on. In July (July 22 to be exact) my mom and I went to UCLA and got her diagnosis of ALS. since then i have watched the most independent person I know becomes dependent on others for everything. I have also watched her become even more bold with her mouth which I thought was impossible. Since July my mom progressively became paralyzed. But i have had the opportunity to spend almost everyday with her, sharing in the adventures of Gladys and Amy as I learned to creatively move her this summer, (armando had to come rescue her on more than one occasion as I got her stuck in random spots) to trying to create positions that make it more comfortable for her, to cooking gormet meals that she wanted in magazines she read. This time has been difficult and the most tiring job I have ever had, but I would not trade it for anything. While I don't know why God gave my mom this horrible disease, I do know he gave me the time with mom to heal our relationship, to heal me, and teach me how to be humble, loving, and to again remind me that life is short. Mom says she has her ticket and is waiting for Jesus to punch it. I too have my ticket and while some days I enjoy my layover here on earth I too am ready for my trip home. However while I am here I pray that I can be bold as my mom, who literally shares Jesus bluntly with everyone who enters her path. God has taken the use of every muscle away from her except her mouth, Im glad she realizes that is a gift and she is using it daily to praise him

life update

I'm Married! who would of thought? not me.

Yosemite day 2

Sunday morning we rose early, well truthfully I was up every few hours during the night due to excitement and sleeping in a strange bed, and left the hotel like at 5am. We drove back into the park while it was still dark. The hike to half dome can be started from a few points within the part but Chris choose to start from Glacier point. This would allow us to hike all the way around half dome and see most of the falls in the park in one day. Sounded like a good plan.

See how excited we were! It looked so far away and really you cannot describe the size of it until you are up close.

So amazing to watch the sun rise over the valley, the pictures do not do justice to what I actually saw that morning. My God is an amazing God.

This is the back side of Half dome, we were getting closer although it still seemed very far away.

Pretty cool stream running through it flows to one of the falls that was just a little ways ahead, this was a cute little bridge we crossed over, you cant tell in the picture but there are really cute yellow flowers that were growing at the base of the rocks on the right, amazing how things grow when it seemed just like rock and minimal soil.

getting closer!!

Saw a little wildlife along the way. Tiny little squirls which look more like chipmunks with their skinny tails. not afraid of people at all.

we stoped to eat at the top of a falls.

getting closer!!!!

This is just before we climbed up to the sub dome which is just below Half Dome

There it is!!! if you look carefully you can see the cables going up to the top. It looks like a ladder and if you look really close you can see people. This was so nerve racking watching people go up look how tiny they are in comparison to the rock!!

Before we climbed it CS took a short nap, while I continued to watch people go up and began to get really nervous. I think I we stayed much longer I would have chosen not to continue. But its me we are talking about so I knew I had to make it to the top.

I had to move so i walked around the subdome and thought this was a pretty good shot. Even at the sub dome you are way high and views are spectacular

See the view! No trees which is kind of unnerving to be above the tree line you have an odd sense of balance up there.

Yea!!! made it to the top. there were times I did not think my arms were going to make it up or hold my weight anymore. but.... we made it. Look how vertical that is!!!

yosemite day one

Ok so I am slightly technically challenged, but you can adjust I'm sure, but after a gazillion tries to get the photos right well this is where I'm at. Enjoy and I hope you don't get a neck cramp while seeing Gods Amazing creation

SO this summer I was privileged to travel with my amazing friends to Yosemite. We left Saturday morning and traveled North through Bakersfield and Fresno until we arrived in an absolutely amazing place.

So you drive along the road and go through this tunnel and this is the view. Pretty darn spectacular! You can see Half Dome in the distance I was way excited to think that in less than 24 hours I would be climbing it. However it is overwhelming to think how massive those rocks are in comparison to me, and that the creator of them totally knows me
The ladies of the trip! Thank you O'Roarks for allowing Tiffany and I to tag along on your family Vaca!

Leilani found a nice place to sit and read while we waited for the gift store/mini museum to reopen. I could totally be a park ranger and teach little Jr. Rangers!

My amazing friends who take me with them on very cool vacations!

As we were driving out of the park to get some rest before the big day. It doesn't get much prettier than that. What a fantastic first day, I could have gone home totally happy with just those views. However there was a Very Large rock to climb the next morning........