visit to the past

Last night I flew over the Las Vegas strip. It brings up many memories for me both good and sad. I first smiled as I flew past the hotel that Mike & I stayed at last. It was the nicest places we had ever stayed at. It was such a amazing couple of days with him, we talked most of the trip about our ministry at the church, the growth we were seeing in each of the GAP members lives, and talked through how we wanted to improve and invest more ourselves in them, because that is what is important. However the trip was not free of argument, when we first arrived I wanted to visit my friend Dawn & see her new house, Mike wanted me to watch the Cubs home opener, but I went to visit Dawn leaving him at the hotel by himself. He said that was fine, but I knew he wasn't happy and when I returned he showed it. I spent the afternoon trying to make it up to him going to places I thought he would like- ESPN Zone, wienersnitzle, and then after all these failed attempts just simply said I was wrong- a hard thing for me to do. We then had a great time making a frozen pizza in the hotel room and watching the final college basketball game(end of march madness). I loved watching sports with Mike. He got so into it, it made you want to be excited and he knew random facts which I love. I also just loved the way he would hold me and joke with me about how little I knew but always pretended to know more than I really did. I once shocked him at the house in Lomita, I got up early on Sunday and was ironing his shirt watching ESPN. As everyone knows they replay the same info. over and over, so by the time Mike came to the back room I had it memorized. He asked a question about some player and I rattled off some amazing statistic and was like wow how did you know that, about 10 minutes later he heard the same line on the TV. For a moment I was sport smart! Anyways back to vegas memories. The next day we hung out at the hotel and then went to BJs for lunch. I only knew where this was b/c there is an awesome resurant row by Dawn's house with several of our favorates (BJs, Olive Garden, ISlands, Costco, ect...) so we sat down and decided to try some new items not pizza, Mike had a meatball sandwhich, I had "chick food" salad. It was nice. We then hung out agian at the hotel, Mike took a nap, I got board and went for a walk around the hotel and priced massages, Mike said I should get one, but I thought it best to save money b/c we couldn't both get one and after one mistake of doing my visit to Dawn's solo I wasn't going to do anything without him on this trip. We then went to get our free voucher that came with the hotel while we were headed to the hilton cassino he got a call which was work related and he handled that while I got our money. I was amazed at how appologetic he was about that phone call, I didn't care, but he wanted those couple of days to be about us. We then went to his fave place for dinner, Outback- he had his usuall steak, mashed potatoes, baked potatoe meal (although he actually really liked the salad he couldn't decide between the two potatoes so I told him to get both) I had the ribs! I amazed him with my ability to eat the entire rack the first time we were in vegas for his cousins wedding. anyways we went back to the hotel and had a restful night. He slept in the next morning while I cleaned everything up and packed, we got on the road about 8 and after a quick stop at the McDonalds at the very edge of Vegas we were on our way back to reality. Our realities are very different now, he is expiernceing something that I try to imagine but can't really God's presence, and although I am too expeirencing His prescence it is on a very different level. I have learned so much during the last year. Ive read books Mike wanted me to read, I just am a very different person. Parts of me are so much better and he would be proud, other parts Im still working on and it will take time and patience. I have learned not to take things for granted and not to worry so much about little things for they won't matter in eternity. I miss mike more than words can describe that it physically hurts to think about him, but not as much as a year ago, so I think in time that will fade although not completely and that is alright. I am so blessed to have had Mike in my life, the good parts of him, and the not so good parts for that is what made him him. I can only hope that I find the passion that he had towards God's word, and the compasion and the desire to see people's lives changed by God. Mike was a great mentor to me and i miss his wisdom alot, I also miss his bear hugs, back slaps, smiles, and jokes. "Enjoy life Amy" I hear him in my head alot, and I am trying. One of the greatest priveleges in knowing mike was hearing him preach through ecclesiates and Habbackuk. when everything goes away what will you have? it is a question he had written in his sermon notes. something to think about. After a year of having my world taken away I know what I have... God's love, His peace, His patience, His kindness, His goodness, His word and although I still struggle I know that God is with me and that for whatever reason he isn't finished with me. I pray that as He works on me I would be teachable and responsive with a soft heart. I don't understand his plan, but I am trying to trust him and his timing. It hurts, but I know that eternity with him is a lot longer than my vapor of a life here. So enjoy life for it is a gift from God!