Friday, June 29, 2012

Happy anniversary

"the hardest part of moving forward is not looking back" Sally on Felicity.  I don't normally quote TV shows and really Im not that much of a tv watcher but every once in a while (the summer after the car accident, Friends became my "happy place" and well now) I find myself watching episode after episode of an old tv series.  Felicity reminds me of college and well I miss my college family.  College life is odd, crazy, and well like most stages of life you dont realize how much fun it is until its over.  Anyways this is not the point of this post, the quote is.  Today is the wedding anniversary of Mike and I.  Its wierd. It would be 9 years, and yikes that number sounds like a lot but time has flown and I can still remember a ton about that wedding.  I look back on the almost 4 years we had together and well just like college you don't realize how fun it was til its gone.  I know that both were full of there unique challenges and tough times, but really over all I am who I am because of them.  Anyways today is one of the many days that I find myself looking back and wondering if we hadn't been in the accident how my life would be different, then I force myself to stop as I usually paint that life as this amazing movie perfect life that "could have" been.  I was struck by the quote that the hardest part of moving forward is not looking back, because in many ways this is so true.  Its hard not to look back, and in many ways I think it is alright to look back as long as you stay focused on moving forward.  I am trying to be a better wife this round, looking back reminds me all too often how I was not the best wife I could have been with Mike, looking back reminds me how short this life is and how I am not promised tomorrow so I better enjoy now and not wish or plan 5 years down the road. (not that you shouldn't plan b/c you should but realize that God's plans prevail not your own).  But looking back does distract from the here and now if you let it.  My emotions get all jumbled up and most of the time I end up such a mess Armando has no idea who I am or what happened that Im this crazy lady.  Learning from the past is a good thing, but dwelling on it, either the good or the bad, is not helpful.  Our focus is to be on Christ and Him crucified.  So today I remember a great day that was the start to 4 years of God using a man to grow me up in Him, 4 years of me learning how to be a "wife" (which I don't think you ever really master)(and for the record I hate titles) and now God has given me Armando and well this marriage has different challenges  (poor guy) and different joys.  So pressing on is what I plan to do, as hard as that is some days.  I am hopefull that just like college and well every other stage of life when I look back it will  have been fun but more importantly I will have served Christ well and made the best use of the time I was given.  I don't know what the future holds, but I  am trying to boldly and cheerfully face it learning from the past but not dwelling on it.